Employer Speak: what they say and what they mean by it

Entry level position:

You'll be making minimum wage.

Entry level position in an up-and-coming company:

You'll be making minimum wage; we'll be bankrupt in a year.

Profit sharing plan:

Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.

Competitive salary:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join our fast-paced company:

We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

Nationally recognized leader:

Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.

Immediate opening:

The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

Casual work atmosphere:

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up, although a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Competitive environment:

We have a lot of turnover.

Must be deadline oriented:

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some overtime required:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Flexible hours:

Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

Must have an eye for detail:

We have no quality control.

College degree preferred:

Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like Philosophy, English or Social Work.

Career minded:

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person:

If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

No phone calls please:

We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Problem solving skills a must:

You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills:

You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.