The AL GORE virus: causes your computer to just keep counting. The CLINTON virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory. The BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus: makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy. The LEWINSKY virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e- mails everyone about what it did. The RONALD REAGAN virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. The JESSE JACKSON virus: warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background. The MIKE TYSON virus: quits after two bytes. The OPRAH WINFREY virus: your 300 MB hard drive shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200 MB. The JACK KEVORKIAN virus: deletes all old files. The PROZAC virus: totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care. The JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus: only attacks minor files. The ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus: terminates some files, leaves, but will be back. and last but not least ... The LORENA BOBBITT virus: reformats your hard drive into a 3.5-inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.